Reflections and Ramblings from a Semi-logical Girl

If you believe that things happen for a reason and that perhaps all things teach you a valuable lesson or help you grow in some way, how then do you make sense of your daily experiences? If you believe that the people that come into your life, whether for a short time or your whole life, are there for a reason; how do you make sense of each interaction? How do you choose one action over another? I feel like everything matters in some way even when I don’t understand it.

I care about other people, perhaps too much and so it becomes hard to choose any particular action based only on how I feel about it or how it would affect only me.  It actually becomes challenging to be selfish in a positive way, the way that is more self-nurturing than actually selfish.

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.” Yet, logical as Spock’s words sound, utter selflessness is not only challenging but perhaps not necessarily desirable. To further quote Nimoy’s character, “Logic is only the beginning of wisdom, not the end of it.” Here Spock is trying to share a lesson regarding faith with a younger Vulcan who cannot yet see beyond logic.

Logically, it seems unreasonable to assume one is able to make sense of all or even much of what we experience completely. We take bits and pieces of value from each experience and each interaction with another helps us reflect and teaches us more about ourselves. I would say that much of our existence, whether we are religious or not, lies in the realm of faith. Every day we take so much for granted, having faith that some things just are or will be as they have been. We are faced with new lessons nearly every day, sometimes they are lessons we didn’t realize we needed to learn and other times they are lessons we are aware of and stubbornly fight against. Perhaps we may only realize this later upon reflection but they are there all the same.

I personally believe in God and although I frequently stumble and often feel unsure of what my next step ought to be or what purpose any given experience might have, I have faith that there’s a reason to continue trying, to continue learning and to continue believing. When I feel overwhelmed or confused, when I feel like nothing I’m doing seems to make sense, I try to understand how I feel about them, I try to analyze things logically, I try to think about them a little less emotionally, I try to understand the various possibilities or viewpoints or outcomes and then I have faith and let go. I’m still learning to have faith and let go sooner rather than later.  I don’t mean let go in a way that means I do nothing, although occasionally that may be the case. Instead, I mean that I realize how much more there is to life than we realize. I still have a strong desire to understand why things happen the ways they do, why people behave the way they do and why I am who I am or the way I am and just generally what everything really means. It’s just that I also realize it’s not always necessary or even desirable to analyze every little thing. Sometimes, it’s better and more logical to just take one day at a time, doing your best and seeing what happens. Sometimes you have to have enough faith to understand that if you’re looking for an answer and don’t seem to be getting one, it may be that you’re asking the wrong question, or perhaps you ARE getting an answer but that you are choosing not to see it. Even still, perhaps before you can receive an answer to your question, you must learn another lesson in order to appreciate the answer to your question.

I’m learning new lessons about faith, life, logic and myself every day, of course, the lessons aren’t really new and the questions are often repeated. I have encountered similar lessons my whole life, I am only seeing them in a fresh light. So I take these new bits and pieces, these new little insights and venture forward. Tomorrow is another day, and although I don’t know what all tomorrow will bring I will again face the light with a new set of eyes and an open heart. Perhaps, sometimes, “the needs of the one, outweigh the needs of the many.” Perhaps, I’ve been watching too much Star Trek. Perhaps I’ve shared my meandering self-reflections and given you something to think about as you face whatever lessons tomorrow has in store for you; may it be a beautiful one.