Rainy Day Meanderings

The challenge of finding my calling or vocation rather than continuing to exist in the day to day reality of a J-O-B is a frustrating one. All too often I find myself jumping from one conclusion to another about what it is I might truly enjoy the most and be able to really pour myself into. The world sends us a plethora of conflicting messages about working, earning an income, work-life balance, vocation, career satisfaction and on and on. It’s dizzying to find a grounded path that meets the needs of the soul.

Randomly, I include this image I captured with my Blackberry at the park today. I ❤ lilacs and I loved the way the picture felt reminiscent of a favorite childhood campground.

Lilacs in the Park

What is one to do when so many things interest them? My room is crowded with books of numerous topics, my walls with images artistic, explorative and inspirational, and my mind with a list too long of the fascinating options I could pursue. Yet taken on the whole, many of these paths I’ve considered do contain elements of similarity which makes it hard to narrow down to one or few choices.

How does one get the satisfaction of freedom and control associated with the entrepreneurial path, the creativity and soul-felt expression of an artistic path, the presence and interactions that occur within many elements of the corporate world, the ability to travel when it suites my needs or fills a need of that which I do, meaningful connections with multiple and diverse persons that I may affect in a positive way, not being stuck in a cubicle or not having the freedom to get outside when I need to breathe fresh air and walk among nature’s finest and still make enough money to not just survive financially but to be comfortable enough to meet my needs with a touch of a cushion so that I can save for the inevitable rainy or gloriously sunny day that would call for an extra expense?

How can I best serve humanity or my community or even a niche group of persons in a way that still feels fulfilling and joyous? Tests and inventories may be helpful at times but only to a degree. Heartfelt questioning of my innermost desires and time contemplating the things that have made me truly happy in life sometimes leads to more questions than answers. Sometimes I feel like I’ve really figured out what to do, something appeals to me so strongly that I expend a lot of energy and spend a lot of time researching and learning all I can about that path only to present myself with questions that make me pause and say, “but what about…and what if…and does that really meet this need or that?” and then the process begins again. I do reach greater levels of clarity about the direction I’m heading and the specific things that I value but the frustration is not feeling further on any one path in a way that seems to evidence any progress.

I realize I’m not doing this for anyone but myself and there’s nothing I have to prove to anyone. Yet that realization doesn’t necessarily make the journey any easier or any clearer when you’re focused on trying to find the next right step. I must say that my life has been an interesting journey thus far and I expect that the unknown of my tomorrows will present me with that which I’ve scarcely as yet imagined. I do hope that wherever I go, whatever I learn and do and whomever I meet along the way that I shall remember to smell the roses and see the rainbows and remember to frequently reflect on all that is good in life.


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